I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
