and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
