During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
