forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
