i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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