Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
