Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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