oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
