We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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