ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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