The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
