Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
