we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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