Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
