Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
