So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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