Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
