I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
