I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
