It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
