Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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