he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
