I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
