I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
