i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sorry about my life...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
