it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
