I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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