i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
