Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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