6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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