I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
