that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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