I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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