my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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