apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
