Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
