I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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