I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
