sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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