I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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