umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
