i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
