I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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