he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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