im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You're breaking my sexual little heart
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
