Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
