i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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