I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
