I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
