somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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