Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
