I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
