Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
