whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
